D is for Die

This is a bleak and confusing post but do know that this is entirely my thoughts about death.

I probably think about death more often than others. The number of times I have fallen into the YouTube rabbit hole of death, suicide, cremation, burial, and whatnot is a shameful amount of time.

Why do I do it? I am intrigued, I want answers, and I want closure!

But in all honestly, none of them have given me the answers I need. They just give me a different perspective to toy around with the idea of death.

The concept of death itself doesn’t scare me. It’s the fact that it is without a doubt the only thing that is certain in life. It holds no biases and has been around for billions of years, yet we still know nothing of the exact aftermath.

Now, that is what frightens me!

I think almost everyone has a point in their life entertained the thought of living forever. In all honesty, I truly believe being alive for the rest of eternity is absurd and yet the idea of saying goodbye to my loved ones in the future breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. But I know it is something that will happen, and I will have to brace myself for it unless, of course, I beat them to it 😈.

I am religious, a staunch Catholic for that matter, and truly believe in life after death. We have a soul, and it doesn’t end with the death of our body but the opportunity to be in Paradise.

But you know, there is a difference between knowing and believing, and that is the mysterious line that makes it hard for me to let go of this verb word ‘DIE’. I don’t know if I am explaining myself enough. I mean take for example, when daybreak, I have got to brush my teeth at some point, get myself a meal, or be lazy, these are all things within my control. But this death thing has no itinerary. Nothing!

Now, let’s talk about those that have entertained the thought of suicide and those that have gone through with it! It’s sad to know that such people did not see any other alternative to this life but to resort to that. Before I proceed, please if you have any tendencies to commit suicide or planning to, kindly get help, for you are loved and dearly cherished. Now back to my topic, I can’t seem to understand the yearning for this unknown state of being that we believe will alleviate us of all our troubles by simply not being alive in this realm. How do we know we’re not in for a greater deal of suffering?

And no, I don’t mean hell, I mean ascending to a different realm or reality where we do this thing called ‘life‘ but with a completely different meaning. Is this the point where you tell me I watch too many movies?🤪

I mean there are millions of galaxies that we as humans know of and you don’t think that there are other profound beings who question their very existence as well?

Well, these are just surface-level thoughts that I think about frequently. But not too much to where it cripples me but more than average.